Posts tagged Children

1) NUDITY I Was driving with my children one warm Three Young summer evening When a woman in the convertible ahead of us Stood Up and Waved. She Was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, i heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom! That Lady Is not wearing a seat belt! ‘ 2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed history teacher a note from history mother. The note read, ‘The Face value opinions by this child are Not Necessarily Those parents of history. ’3) KETCHUP A woman WAS Trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. DURING her struggle the phone so she Asked her rank 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can not come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle. ’4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found Himself in the women’s locker room. When He Was spotted, the room burst into Shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in Amazement and then Asked, ‘What’s the matter, Have not you ever seen a little boy Before?’ 5) POLICE # 1 While Taking a routine vandalism report at year elementary school, and II was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she Asked, ‘Are you a cop?’ ‘Yes,’ I Answered and Continued writing the report. ‘My Mother Said if I ever needed help I Should ask the police. Is that right? ‘ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I Told her. ‘Well, then,’ Said she did she extended her foot Toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’ 6) POLICE # 2 It Was The End of the Day When I parked my police van in front of the station. As I Gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, WAS barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ ET asked. ‘It sure is,’ I replied. Puzzled, the boy Looked at me and then Towards the back of the van. Finally He Said, ‘What’d ET do?’ 7) While working for Elderly year organism That Delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She Was unfailingly intrigued by the: various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she Merely Turned and Whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never Believe this!’ DRESS-UP A little girl watching her parents dress WAS for a party, so Often As They DID. When she saw her dad donning historical tuxedo, she Warned, ‘Daddy, You Should not wear That follows. ” And why not, darling? ‘ ‘You always know That It Gives you a headache the next morning. ’9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of church history, our minister Heard the intoning of a prayer That Nearly Made history collar wilt. Apparently, historical 5-year-old’s playmates and His HAD found a dead robin. Feeling That Should Be Performed proper burial, THEY HAD secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the Disposal of the Deceased. The minister’s son WAS Chosen to say the Appropriate Prayers and sonorous with Dignity intoned historical version of what ET Thought historical father always said: ‘Glory Be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and Into the hole goooes ET. ’10) SCHOOL A little girl HAD just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ Said she to her mother. ‘I can not read, I can not write, and They Will not let me talk!’ 11) BIBLE A little boy Opened the big family bible. He Was fascinated fingered as ET-through the old pages. Suddenly, something Fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and Looked at it. What He Saw That Was an old leaf HAD beens pressed in between the pages. ‘Mama, look what I found,’ the Boy Called out. ‘What have you got there, dear?’ With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, hey Answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear. ‘Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive Quickly, Kiss Slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret Anything That made you smile. ‘